I’m having a bit of a problem, and the biggest part of my problem is my own creation. You see, I’m a procrastinator. None of this is new. Not to me, not to you who have been joining me on this blogging journey for more than a year. If I have a big project, chances are I will put it off. There are half-finished crafts and schemes literally littering my home. Those shelves I mentioned the other day? Mostly done, but incomplete. The elbow patches I’m sewing on the Boy’s favorite sweater? There’s one on, and one sewed partway on before the thread broke. Paint purchased, and never used in the dining room. Clean laundry in the basket at the end of the bed, slowly emptying, and being surrounded by dirty laundry that isn’t being put away or in the hamper. Wreaths from Christmas that are still up, and drying out because I’ve decided to take them down, but haven’t continued to water them during the time leading up to their being taken down. I am full of good intentions, and the problem is the follow-through.
The biggest problem with all this is that I’ve got a big project now to plan – something with a deadline where if I don’t get sh*t done in a timely manner, chances are that I won’t get what I want. Planning a wedding when you don’t want a big thing, but also when you want something fun and lovely is hard. Planning a wedding and talking to vendors when you’ve got a phobia about talking on the phone (even to people who want to earn your business) is hard. Planning a wedding when you’re doing some of it yourself, and are lazy and also have a tendency to forget to finish projects is hard. And all of these hard things gathered together mean that I’m under just a little bit of stress.
We didn’t have to get married this fast. We could have waited. But there were other reasons to do it on a shorter timeline. Other reasons that were important to me. So now I’m left with the all-too-familiar situation where I’ve backed myself into a corner of my own making, having to deal with something that is going to make me very happy, but is potentially stressful and emotionally taxing. It also doesn’t help that every weekend between now and mid-March is just jam-packed with stuff. A lot of it is fun stuff, but it’s stuff nonetheless, and makes it difficult to do wedding-planning-stuff that is at this point a more valuable use of my time.
I have so many friends and family members who have offered to help. And I probably will take them up on it when there’s a specific thing that can be done. I’ve already delegated at least once (to my mother to make a phone call, which I hate to do), but other than that…I’m not at a loss. It’s a lot of hurry up and wait. Of planning or scheduling to plan a thing, but not making a lot of progress that feels concrete. I don’t feel like there’s too much happening – it’s almost the opposite. Why don’t I have more things happening? What am I leaving out? What will I forget? And that leads to worrying.
I know I’ll get it all done. I’m a crazy lady with a spreadsheet containing literally 16 tabs of things to do. I’ve got to-do lists. I can do this. The other tactic that I’m employing is saying no. No to doing stuff in the weekends ahead of when things actually happen. I’m just keeping those times clear, and not letting them be taken over by anything else. Making that conscious choice – that this is my time, and I get to choose how it gets spent, and I don’t have to do everything; especially not the things that aren’t as important to me at this very moment.
So that’s it from me for now. I have a fun but full weekend ahead celebrating my grandma’s 100th birthday. It’s a very big deal. I’ll get to see lots of people I love. I hope there aren’t awkward questions. Because if there are, I’m going to have to employ my new power of “saying no”.